It's
October, my favourite time of the year. It's as if nature is gentler,
softer than in any other month. I like to think also people are softer,
if only a little and only from the inside.
I
have had some difficulties with my speaking and writing, mainly in
Finnish. My English is just as it always has been, not quite correct but
hey, I am Finnish after all. The reason for my latest problems is a
mystery to be solved, it might have something to do with the blood
circulation in my brain. I speak Finnish like a foreigner and I write
Finnish like a total foreigner without any knowledge whatsoever of any
kind of grammar on this planet called Earth.
I
have many disabilities but I am so gratelful none of them stops me from
enjoying the little things in life. I know I am truly blessed, because
not everyone has this wonderful gift. Past weeks have not been easy for
me in so many ways I am not even trying to explain. However, I have
enjoyed resting under the blankets in our conservatory, inhaling the
crisp autumn air, letting the gentle autumn sun shine on my face (this I
could not let happen in summertime), watching the vivid colors of the
nature. And, of course, drinking coffee.
I
have heard some people think that I think I'm a saint, I am an absolute
fake and other such lovely compliments. Well, I don't care. This is,
after all, my life. I have learned how to be content with it.
Hard way. Everyone has bad moments, dark thoughts, pain in the heart, me
too. It's just that I don't have the ability nor the strenght to dwell
on them. I lost my native language. It's quite sad to speak English to
your Finn three-years old who does not understand a word mum says. Every
word I speak hurts, and causes extreme fatique. But, I have learned a
lesson. Don't never ever take anything for granted. Never stop being
grateful of the simple, small things you have. And never ever when you
wake up in the morning, forget to feel blessed and thankful because you
woke up and are alive. I have had too many moments not to take life as
granted anymore. So, I try to make every single day beautiful, kind and
pretty for me and for my family, it might be my last.
Most
of the days I am too fatiqued to do anything, I just stay in bed and
look at the life around me. There might be a good moment or two, maybe a
little crocheting, a nice cup of coffee, a tiny bit of reading or
looking for beautiful instagram pictures and listening to what my
children have on their mind. Small things most people doesn't even stop
to think twice. Huge delighting moments for me. I admit this all is a
bit different from the life I always imagined would be mine. I planned
my life differently. I was writing my dissertation about a subject I
hardly cannot memorize anymore, I was a so-called good mum participating
my children's lives with full intensity, I had hopes and plans for the
future I never had the chance to have. But I got more. Much more. I got a
memory so bad I cannot dwell on anything very long because I don't
remember what for. I got a life full of dreams, wishes, love, beauty,
and ability to enjoy the small things. I would call myself a winner in
this bargain.
I hope your autumn would be as filled with love, sunshine, warm thoughts, and joy as mine.
NOTE TO READER: This one was published on my old blog on 5.10.2016
I am so happy to be able to get to know you a little bit! I have backed up to read all of your blog posts. I enjoy your beautiful photographs, but mostly the lesson you teach of enjoying every little piece of every single day. I am sad though to read you cannot speak to you little one in Finnish, I don't even know what to say except I'm so sorry. He must be so confused, and you must be terribly frustrated. I hope for better days for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you dear! I am so happy to hear you have been reading my blog! <3
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