Lights on the Verges of Darknesses

Sometimes you are given just the words you needs. Words you have inside of you but cannot connect to each others to have the meaning your whole being wants. Yesterday was a hard day for me. One more in a row of dark, seemingly hopeless stream of hours we define as days. I struggled to see the light, to hope. I put my feelings into words in my IG feed like this: 

I'm exhausted, but not going to give up. Every day is a miracle in itself, every day is full of those little things that makes the life worth living.
Everything in this absurd situation is floating like a strange universe, having a time zone entirely of it's own. Nothing happens and at the same time, too much happens. Too much is needed to be done, too much for such a tiny piece in an universe like me. But, I am lucky enough not to be alone, as there are so many of us in this situation. And, I have one huge advantage no other has. My dearest husband, carrying me when I cannot move, making sure I breathe when I can't, showing light when there is none.
The situation at the moment is, that every single bureaucrat seems to admit I need help, that my life is in danger, nobody can deny it. But nobody wants the responsibility either. So, still floating, not drowning though. There are too many other near drowning because their mind is not as strong as mine, who can't find the famous Finnish SISU because they are in too deep waters, maybe without a husband to say "hey, it'll be all right", without a job, medical care, social benefits, without hope. I have to be grateful for having such a strong caring surroundings. Also, I am as thick headed as only a person born in the Finnish province Satakunta can be. We tend to go through the grey bedrock, as they say. My brain injured head may not be able to take that many hits, but going through anyway.

Then, in the evening, I heard a song that was entirely unfamiliar to me. (As you may remember, I am a bit of a musical snob and still learning to listen to music less than couple of hundreds year old, so a song unfamiliar to me is not an exception, it's more like a rule.) This one: Valot pimeyksien reunoilla (Lights on the verges of darknesses). It couldn't describe with any greater accuracy the thoughts and feeling inside me I tried to put into words earlier yesterday. I'm not sure if you are able to watch this Finnish video, but if you can, please do, as you will then understand the radiant warmness, the glorious, light hope in my heart now. Just in case it's not available for watchers abroad, here is a link to the song on Spotify. The translation is a bit prim, as Finnish is much more flexible than English.

Lights on the verges of darknesses

 (Toni Wirtanen/Kaija Kokkola)

Don't believe in songs, they'll make you a dreamer

they could make you dig things

your mind tries to protect you from.

They tend to mess up all the thoughts

and leave you in chaos.

Every one of us is a path to somewhere

but the wisdom is to understand

whom to follow for a long time, when to turn away,

and that through a human, you can never travel into yourself.

All the endless beauty, all the insanity

all the whipping hopes, all the indecisiveness,

in the end, are pieces of the meaning, part of the mystery,

lights on the verges of darknesses.

Remember that all the greatest fears of yours

are reflections of your hopes, turn them around

and you'll find, in your hand, the keys to them

and that it's easier to forgive others, than stick to a grudge.

All the endless beauty, all the insanity

all the whiping hopes, all the indecisiveness

in the end, are pieces of the meaning, part of the mystery

and part of the truth.

Lights on the verges of darknesses

are sometimes dim and sparse,

you have a force sized of an ocean inside of you

which you can harness as your guide.

This is just an empty shell, which you must fill,

this is the brightest of lights, this is an endless night,

this is a heartbeat, this is an eternity.

Lights on the verges of darknesses

lights on the verges of darknesses,

lights on the verges of darknesses,

are sparse but exist.

All the endless beauty, all the insanity

all the whipping hopes, all the indecisiveness

in the end, are pieces of the meaning, part of the mystery

lights on the verges of darknesses.

Translation based on lyricstranslate.com, modified by harvinaisenkauniselama