Rainy candlelit autumn evening,
just perfect setting for some writing. Nothing has changed in the absurd health
situation, yet. Probably won't either, but at least I've tried my best. A
wonderful journalist came today for an interview, I'll tell you when it's in
the paper. I got a phone call from the chief physician of my hospital clinic,
and I'm now going there for a week, next Wednesday. Then we'll know more. The
problem is, though, they'll have absolutely no way of knowing how to take care
of me, so I need to write a manual... I've too many experiences of how I've
been given wrong medicine in hospital or nobody knowing what to do when I fell
unconscious. But I hope this is sorted out somehow now. I want to believe in miracles. I believe in miracles. It's just that I don't believe in health care system, Finnish authorities, or their humanity anymore.
One unpleasant surprise today was
to find out my kidneys don't like that they are left without one essential
treatment because of all "this". I've got infusions for 2,5 years,
every 3 weeks. Then, in the beginning of September, someone suddenly decided it
might be harmful, as there is the name of the banned doctor in my medical
papers. So now, 3 days after I should (in normal situation) have had the
infusion, my body does not understand that it has been denied the essential
care, and starts to be cranky. Now I need antibiotics. How nice. Plain old natriumchlorid
was thought to be harmful for me (after 2,5 years of no side effects
whatsoever) and immediately after it was denied, I need antibiotics as my
kidneys can't handle the situation. Antibiotics are just fine? I feel like lost
in a crazy wonderland of bureaucratic nightmare. Naturally I have a song for
that too. Koneeseen kadonnut. (Lost
into the Machine.)
Lost
into the Machine
Juha
Tapio/Toni Wirtanen
What's
lost into the machine
you can't
get back
worn out,
used
to feed
the circle
Maybe
(we) trusted too much,
that the
time fixes
that,
which for (we) made
so much
effort
to bring
down
that,
what was meant to be beautiful
Pain dies
by shouting
naked on
the floor
how long
it lasts
no, that
can't be known
Who is
hurting and how much
that's
probably the only question any longer
when
we've reached the point
when
nothing is certain
The
longest hours in the, world
you get
stuck in their grip
you carry
them the until the end
though
you don't always realise it
What kind
of is that heaven
That we
never found
I have
heard so much about it
some of
it even from my own mouth
You can
keep going as far
as you
can convince yourself
Pain dies
by shouting
naked on
the floor
how long
it lasts
no, that
can't be known
Who is
hurting and how much
that's
probably the only question left
when
we've reached the point
when
nothing is certain
Some of
us are unhappy
burned
but numb
penitent
but unfaithful
more than
restless
The
principle is absolute
argument
is solid
equation
maybe impossible
What do
you mean, as if merciless?
Pain dies
by shouting
naked on
the floor
how long
it lasts
no, that
can't be known
Who is
hurting and how much
that's
probably the only question left
when
we've reached the point
when nothing
is certain
very insufficient translation by harvinaisenkauniselama
No comments:
Post a Comment